Loving Those Around You

Loving My Neighbor

We live in a world with a large degree of injustice. We read headlines marked with exploitation, inequality, and the marginalization of vulnerable people. As people of faith, our hearts are rightly moved by these realities, and the call to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31) should awaken us to action. I have already written articles which explore how this commandment applies to those on the fringes of society and those suffering oppression and hardship. This is important, and we must continue to advocate for and support those in need.

However, I want to explore a more immediate application of this core biblical principle: the love we cultivate within our own homes, particularly within our families. Our families are the closest neighbors we have, and the interactions we share within our homes form the foundation of our ability to extend love, justice, and restoration into the wider world.

Justice Starts Small

The Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, emphasizes the importance of just and loving relationships within families. Consider the instructions for parents to raise their children in the way of the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, Ephesians 6:4), this is an act of love and a foundation for a more just society. When we teach our children compassion, fairness, and respect within the safety of our home, we are laying the groundwork for them to act justly in their future interactions.

Think about the inherent justice in honoring our parents (Exodus 20:12). This isn’t just about obedience; it’s about recognizing their value, respecting their wisdom, and ensuring their well-being. This foundational respect for authority and elders can then translate into a broader respect for the dignity of all individuals.

Furthermore, the numerous passages on forgiveness within families (Colossians 3:13, Matthew 18:21-22) highlight the crucial role our homes play in learning how to extend grace. Disagreements, misunderstandings, and even hurts are inevitable in any close relationship. The ability to forgive, to seek reconciliation, and to offer restoration within our families is the training ground for extending that same grace to our colleagues, our fellow community members, and even those we find it hardest to love.

“¹³ Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴ Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Col 3:13-14 | NRSVue).

Michael F. Bird concludes that “Love seeks to protect the mind from corruption and keep the soul from perversion by outside forces. Love wants the other in the relationship to live to its fullest potential and to be true to its own identity. Love means seeking to live in wholesome communion within a family of faith, and that is why love is the bond of perfect unity.”^[1]

Ben Witherington III, when referring to the bond of perfection, adds, “This perhaps means that love is the one quality or virtue that most perfectly unites and binds the body of Christ together.”^[2]

Jerry L. Sumney points out that “The first exhortation of v. 13 commands the readers to “put up with one another.” This instruction indicates that the exhortations of vv. 12–13 do not suggest a sentimental notion that everyone must like every other person. This command instructs believers to express in action the attitudes and characteristics listed in v. 12—even in their relations with those they disagree with and do not like.”^[3]

Love Begins at Home

Loving your family members can sometimes be uniquely challenging. At work or in our community, we often maintain a certain level of politeness and emotional guard. But at home, with those we are most comfortable with, we tend to let our guard down completely. This can lead to unfiltered words, impatience, and a lack of grace that we would never show to a stranger. The very intimacy that makes family so special can also make us more prone to wounding one another.

We may also bring stress and frustration from the outside world into our homes, unloading it onto the very people who should be our refuge. This is where our faith is truly tested. It’s one thing to show compassion to someone we don’t know well; it’s another to show that same patience and kindness to a family member after a long, difficult day. This is why our homes are such a vital training ground for love.

Restoration and Forgiveness

The concept of restoration is central to the biblical narrative. God’s desire is always to bring brokenness into wholeness, to heal what is fractured. Our families provide a powerful context for practicing this restorative love. When conflict arises, do we seek to understand and repair, or do we allow resentment and bitterness to fester?

Choosing to listen empathetically to a family member’s perspective, even when we disagree, is an act of restorative love. Offering a sincere apology when we’ve made a mistake, even a small one, builds bridges and fosters healing. Creating a home environment where vulnerability is safe and forgiveness is readily offered cultivates a culture of restoration.

These seemingly small acts within our families are not insignificant. They are the building blocks of our capacity to engage in larger acts of restoration in the world. If we cannot practice forgiveness and reconciliation within our own homes, how can we truly advocate for justice and healing in a broader context?

Fostering love in marriage includes being approachable, teachable, and prioritizing one’s spouse in all aspects of life[4].

The Training Ground

Ultimately, the ability to act justly and seek restoration stems from love. The love that grows and is fostered within our homes serves as the training ground for developing and refining our ability to love and forgive those we encounter daily.

When we prioritize kindness, patience, and understanding within our families, we are nurturing the very qualities needed to be loving neighbors in our workplaces, our neighborhoods, and beyond. The effort we put into building strong, healthy, and loving relationships within our families is an investment in our ability to contribute positively to the wider world.

So, let us not underestimate the profound impact of the love we cultivate at home. By focusing on justice, restoration, and unwavering love within our families, we are not only strengthening our most intimate relationships, but we are also equipping ourselves to be more effective agents of love and justice in the world around us. Let love truly begin at home, and watch as its effects extend outwards, transforming our communities, one loving interaction at a time.

Practical Steps to Being a More Loving Family Member

Being a loving family member isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about the daily, consistent choices we make. These small acts build a foundation of trust, respect, and mutual restoration. Here are some practical ways to put love into action:

• Practice Active Listening. When your family members are speaking, put away your phone, turn off the TV, and give them your full attention. Listen not just to their words, but to the emotions behind them. Show you’ve heard them by summarizing what they said or asking clarifying questions. This simple act validates their feelings and strengthens your bond.
• Offer Grace Freely. Your family members are human and will make mistakes, just as you will. Instead of keeping a mental tally of their faults, choose to extend grace. Let go of minor grievances and be quick to forgive. Remember the grace shown to you and be generous in grace.
• Speak with Intention. The words we use have incredible power. Make a conscious effort to use words that build up your family members. Offer genuine compliments, express gratitude for the small things they do, and choose a soft answer over a sharp one, especially during disagreements. As Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths but only what is good for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear” (NRSVue).
• Serve Your Partner. Look for opportunities to serve your partner without being asked or expecting anything in return. Whether it’s doing a chore you know they dislike, bringing them a cup of coffee in the morning, or simply offering a comforting presence when they’re having a bad day, these acts of service demonstrate selfless love.

Loving at Work

Outside of our homes, we spend much of our time at work. We interact daily with our bosses, colleagues, other employees, and possibly customers. This environment provides a powerful opportunity to live out the principles of love, justice, and restoration we’ve been cultivating at home. Loving people at our workplace isn’t about being overly friendly or charismatic; it’s about being ethical, fair, and a source of light through our actions.

• Be Ethical and Fair. Loving your employer means being a person of integrity. This involves being honest with your time, working diligently, and being fair in your dealings with company resources. Just as we seek to be just within our families, we must be just in our professional lives, recognizing that our work is a form of service and worship to God.
• Embody Honesty and Kindness. Our interactions with customers and clients are a direct reflection of our values. Being honest about a product or service, patiently listening to a complaint, or going the extra mile to provide a good experience are all acts of love. These small, daily choices build trust and demonstrate a commitment to serving others, not just fulfilling a job requirement.
• Beware of Gossip. The workplace can often be a breeding ground for competition, gossip, and negativity. A simple way to practice restorative love is to refuse to participate in it. Instead of spreading rumors or complaining about a colleague, choose to build them up. This isn’t just about avoiding conflict; it’s about creating a work environment where people feel safe, respected, and valued. Being a person who stands against gossip and for truth and kindness makes you a light in your workplace and begins to bring the Kingdom of God to those around you.

The love we foster in our homes is the same love we bring to our jobs. By applying the same principles of patience, forgiveness, and integrity, we can transform our workplace into a community where justice and restoration are not just abstract ideas but lived realities.

The Theology of Work Bible Commentary emphasizes the interconnectedness of the spiritual and physical realms, highlighting the folly of trying to separate the two.

In a related manner, 1 John underscores that we don’t need full-time jobs in ministry to do meaningful work in God’s kingdom. While most Christians don’t have jobs in which they get paid to do the so-called “spiritual” tasks of preaching and evangelism, all Christians can walk in the light by obeying God in their actions (1 John 3:18–19, 24). All such actions come from God’s prior love, and therefore are deeply spiritual and meaningful. Thus nonchurch work has value . . . because it is a place where you can embody fellowship with Christ by serving others around you. Work is a highly practical way of loving your neighbor, because work is where you create products and services that meet the needs of people nearby and far away.^[5]

Loving Our Next-Door Neighbors and Community

While Jesus expanded the definition of “neighbor” to be much more inclusive, there is a special responsibility to those who live closest to us—our literal neighbors and local community. Loving them is not just about avoiding conflict; it’s about actively enhancing the richness of our shared life through our actions.

• Being Present and Observant. One of the simplest ways to love your neighbor is to be aware of their needs. This means paying attention. Do you notice if their trash can has been knocked over? Is there an elderly neighbor who might need their sidewalk shoveled? Being present in your community allows you to see the small, practical needs that often go unnoticed.
• Offering Practical Help. Our love becomes tangible when it is expressed through action. This might look like sharing a meal with a new family that just moved in, offering to watch a neighbor’s children for a few hours, or simply lending a tool. These acts of service build community and trust, transforming a collection of houses into a true neighborhood.
• Fostering a Shared Life. Loving our community goes beyond individual acts of kindness. It involves contributing to the well-being of the whole. This could mean participating in a local clean-up, attending a community meeting to support a local cause, or simply taking the time to have a friendly conversation with the person you see on your morning walk. When we invest in our shared spaces and common life, we are fulfilling the call to love our neighbors in a way that benefits everyone.

Bernie Van De Walle shared that, “while we often think of love as a quality of relationship at the individual level, it is also fundamentally manifested at the community level. When we act in ways that promote the well-being of human and nonhuman others, we cultivate love as a quality of our shared life.”[6]

Love that begins in our homes will extend to our workplaces and our communities. Being attentive, helpful, and engaged in our own communities allows us to work towards justice and restoration.

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^[1] Michael F. Bird, Colossians and Philemon, New Covenant Commentary Series (Eugene, OR: Cascade Books, 2009), 107.

^[2] Ben Witherington III, The Letters to Philemon, the Colossians, and the Ephesians : A Socio-Rhetorical Commentary on the Captivity Epistles (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2007), 180.

^[3] Jerry L. Sumney, Colossians: A Commentary, ed. C. Clifton Black, M. Eugene Boring, and John T. Carroll, The New Testament Library (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2013), 216.

[4] Daniel L. Akin, Exalting Jesus in Song of Songs, ed. Daniel L. Akin, David Platt, and Tony Merida, Christ-Centered Exposition Commentary (Nashville, TN: Holman Reference, 2015), 10.

^[5] Theology of Work Project, Genesis through Revelation, ed. William Messenger, vol. 5, Theology of Work Bible Commentary (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2014–2016), 220.

[6] Bernie Van De Walle et al., Advancing the Vision: The Fourfold Gospel in Contemporary and Global Contexts (Eugene, Oregon: Pickwick Publications, 2023).