The Elusive Pursuit of Contentment

Just a Little More

We live in a world that constantly tells us we need more. A bigger house, a newer car, a more impressive job title, a higher degree–the list is endless. This relentless pursuit of “more” can leave us feeling perpetually dissatisfied, no matter how much we achieve. But what if the key to happiness isn’t about acquiring more, but about appreciating what we already have?

The Hedonic Treadmill

Have you ever noticed how quickly the excitement of a new purchase fades? You finally get that dream house, only to compare it to your neighbors’ even larger homes. Then you start coveting their new cars, their exotic vacations, and the list goes on. This phenomenon, known as the hedonic treadmill, describes the tendency of people to return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite significant positive or negative life events. The theory also suggests that people can fall into a cycle of overconsumption as they continually seek new sources of pleasure to maintain an elevated mood, much like a person on a treadmill who must keep moving to stay in place.[1]

Even the wealthiest among us aren’t immune. Many billionaires, despite their immense fortunes, continue to strive for more–more wealth, more power, more influence. This shows that contentment isn’t about a specific number of possessions or achievements; it’s a state of mind.

Albert Einstein made the statement, “A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.”

Lessons from Around the World and Science

Having lived in Thailand for nearly 10 years, I’ve discovered that those with very little often share the same joyous highs and unfortunate lows as those with exponentially more resources. I pondered this while attending a merit-making ceremony for a previously deceased person in a small rural village. As I sat there, I watched as everyone took on their roles—cooking, preparing food, cleaning dishes, and chatting about life all the while. I thought about their sense of community and how their lives, accustomed to simplicity, would not dramatically improve with greater wealth. This thought supports the common statement: things don’t buy happiness. However, this isn’t just anecdotal evidence; it’s backed by rigorous scientific research. The Harvard Study of Adult Development,[2] one of the longest-running longitudinal studies ever conducted, provides compelling evidence.

This groundbreaking study has followed the lives of hundreds of men for over 80 years, tracking their physical and mental health, careers, relationships, and overall well-being. The study’s findings are clear: close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. It wasn’t cholesterol levels or income that best predicted happiness and health in old age; it was the quality of their relationships.

The study looked at men from diverse backgrounds, including Harvard graduates and men from Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. Despite their vastly different starting points, the results were consistent: those with strong social connections—with family, friends, and community—were happier, healthier, and lived longer. They experienced less physical and mental decline as they aged. It wasn’t simply having a lot of relationships, but the quality of those relationships—having someone you could count on—that truly mattered.[3] This reinforces the idea that true wealth lies not in material possessions, but in the richness of our connections with others.

Harvey Deutschendorf shares how intimate, trusting relationships where one can openly share hopes, fears, and experiences are particularly valuable. Building strong connections involves actions like listening, being supportive, keeping commitments, and showing genuine interest in others’ lives. Overall, investing time and energy into meaningful relationships appears to be more rewarding than pursuing material wealth when it comes to finding contentment and joy in life.[4] True contentment should be attached to our sufficiency in God and our community rather than worldly possessions.

The Power of Giving Back

Beyond close personal relationships, research also highlights the profound impact of contributing to something larger than ourselves. A study headed by Faiza Tabassum, Association of Volunteering with Mental Well-Being: A Lifecourse Analysis of a National Population-Based Longitudinal Study in the UK,[5] provides such evidence. This research found a strong link between volunteering and improved mental well-being across various life stages.

Volunteering offers many benefits, including:

• Social Connection: It provides opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals who share similar values and passions, fostering a sense of belonging and community.
• Purpose and Meaning: Contributing to a cause you care about gives a sense of purpose and meaning, which can significantly boost mental well-being.
• Reduced Stress and Improved Mood: Helping others can shift our focus away from our own problems, reducing stress and improving our overall mood.

These findings align well with Jesus’ teachings, which emphasize the importance of serving others. He taught that the way to a fulfilling and joyful life is through selfless service and compassion. Jesus stated that he came not to be served, but to serve others (Mark 10:45). By serving others, we not only improve their lives but also enrich our own. It is a way of living out the values of the kingdom of God, a kingdom focused on love, service, and compassion.

Living in the Now

A crucial aspect of finding contentment is learning to be present. So often, we become caught up in thoughts of the past or anxieties about the future, missing the beauty and richness of the present moment. This inability to be present can hinder our ability to appreciate what we have and find joy in our current circumstances.

Matthew 6:34 – ³⁴ “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Both sayings reaffirm a present-tense way of living in pursuit of God’s reign, one that hopes and acts in light of future consummation but lives in a state of peace and attentiveness in the present.^[6]

This idea is beautifully captured in the poem Living in the Moment:

Never worry about two things in life,

The thing which has passed you by,

And the thing which is still to color your life.

Live in the moment as that is the only time happiness is rife,

Then you’ll be joyful and will pass on happiness to all around you in life.[7]

Greg Boyd, in his book Present Perfect: Finding God in the Now, explores this concept deeply, arguing that God is always present in the “now.” He suggests that our tendency to dwell on the past or worry about the future prevents us from fully experiencing God’s presence and the fullness of life. Boyd emphasizes that true life, true joy, and true connection with God are found in the present moment.[8]

Being present involves:

• Mindfulness: Paying attention to the present moment without judgment, noticing our thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they arise.
• Letting Go of the Past: Releasing regrets, resentments, and past hurts that keep us trapped in the past.
• Trusting the Future: Letting go of anxieties and worries about the future and trusting that things will unfold as they should.
• Engaging Fully in the Present: Immersing ourselves in our current activities and interactions, giving our full attention to what we are doing and who we are with.

By cultivating presence, we can break free from the cycle of constantly seeking “more” and discover the richness of the present moment. We can learn to appreciate the simple joys, the meaningful connections, and the beauty that surrounds us every day.

Reframing Our Relationship with Possessions

Minimalism is often misunderstood as deprivation. However, true minimalism isn’t about denying ourselves things; it’s about redefining values. It’s about shifting our focus from material possessions to relationships, experiences, and freedom.

1 Timothy 6:6-8 – ⁶ Of course, there is great gain in godliness combined with contentment; ⁷ for we brought nothing into the world, so that we can take nothing out of it; ⁸ but if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these.

Instead of seeking fleeting satisfaction in acquiring more things, minimalism encourages us to find joy in:

• Quality Relationships: Investing in meaningful connections with friends and family brings far greater and longer-lasting satisfaction than any material possession.
• Appreciating What We Have: Taking time to acknowledge and appreciate the things we already own fosters gratitude and contentment. Considering the resources, labor, and time that went into creating those items deepens our appreciation.
• Responsible Consumption: Being mindful of the impact our consumption has on the environment and on others allows us to make more ethical and sustainable choices. This brings a sense of purpose and contributes to a more just world.
• Creating Space for What Matters: By decluttering our lives, both physically and mentally, we create space for the things that truly matter.

Hebrews 13:5 reminds us to seek contentment with trust in God’s provision and warns us against the love of money.

Story: The Illusion of Reaching Fulfillment

The saying “To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive” speaks volumes about the human tendency to seek fulfillment in the future rather than the present.

I recently had LASIK eye surgery, something I’d wanted for years and anticipated would provide immense life satisfaction. While I appreciate the benefit of not needing glasses, my overall life enjoyment has remained largely the same. The surgery failed to live up to a decade’s worth of anticipation. Post-op disappointment lingered for days; the surgery felt as if it was inconsequential, as if it had failed to fill some sort of void in my life. This personal experience highlights how easily we fixate on what we lack. I jokingly told a friend with perfect vision that I would thank God every morning if I had been given his eyesight. His simple reply, “Do you thank God daily for fully functioning legs and arms?” reminded me of how little we appreciate the things we have. We so often take our blessings for granted and focus on what we don’t have.

Thankfulness and Gratitude

Philippians 4:11 – ¹¹ Not that I am referring to being in need; for I have learned to be content with whatever I have.

The key to breaking free from the “just a little more” mentality is cultivating an attitude of thankfulness and gratitude. When we focus on the positive aspects of our lives, we shift our perspective from what we lack to what we have. This shift in perspective is transformative. Let’s change our focus to gratitude and appreciate the people in our lives as well as all that we have.

• Gratitude Journaling: Regularly writing down things you’re grateful for, no matter how small, can help you cultivate a more positive outlook.
• Expressing Appreciation: Verbally expressing what you appreciate in others strengthens relationships and reinforces positive feelings.
• Mindful Appreciation: Taking a moment to truly savor positive experiences and appreciating the present moment deepens our sense of gratitude.

Spiritual Wisdom

Jesus’ teachings offer profound wisdom on finding inner contentment and inner peace. He emphasized the importance of storing “treasures in heaven” (Matthew 6:19-21), which are not material possessions but rather spiritual riches like love, compassion, and kindness. He taught us to trust in God’s provision and to focus on what truly matters: our relationship with God and with one another. Psalm 100:4, Philippians 4:6-7, Colossians 3:15, and 1 Thessalonians 5:18 are reminders of being grateful and having thankful hearts in praise.

By embracing these principles, we can begin to break free from the cycle of endless wanting and discover the true meaning of contentment. It’s not about having everything; it’s about appreciating everything we have and finding joy in the present moment. It’s about understanding that things are meant to serve our needs, not the other way around. Ultimately, true contentment is found not in acquiring more, but in appreciating the blessings already present in our lives.

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[1] Morris Altman, Real-World Decision Making: An Encyclopedia of Behavioral Economics (Westport, CT: Greenwood, 2015).

[2] Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (New York New York: Simon & Schuster, 2023).

[3] Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (New York New York: Simon & Schuster, 2023).

[4] Harvey Deutschendorf, The Other Kind of Smart: Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence for Greater Personal Effectiveness and Success (New York, NY: AMACOM, 2023).

[5] Faiza Tabassum, John Mohan, and Peter Smith, “Association of Volunteering with Mental Well-Being: A Lifecourse Analysis of a National Population-Based Longitudinal Study in the UK,” BMJ Open 6, no. 8 (August 2016), https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2016-011327.

^[6] Jeannine K. Brown and Kyle Roberts, Matthew, ed. Joel B. Green, The Two Horizons New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2018), 75.

[7] Hamid Mojdehi, Speck of Dust: Collection of Short Poems (Eugene, Oregon: Resource Publications, 2022).

[8] Gregory A. Boyd, Present Perfect: Finding God in the Now (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2023).