Helper – A Woman’s Role

“Helper” in the Bible is one of Dignity

Genesis 2:18 – ¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” (NRSV)

The word “helper” used in Genesis 2:18 to describe Eve’s role in relation to Adam has often been misinterpreted as implying inferiority or subservience. However, a deeper look at the biblical context reveals a much more empowering and complementary picture.

In the Bible, the word “helper” is most frequently used in reference to God Himself.^[1] Psalms 30:10, 33:20, 54:4, 70:5, and 115:9 all depicts God as the ultimate helper, the one who provides strength, guidance, and support. By associating Eve with this term, the Bible elevates her role and suggests that she was created to provide a unique and essential form of support to Adam.

Both Adam and Eve were created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), signifying their inherent worth and equality. However, they were also created with distinct characteristics and roles. The World Biblical Commentary states that Matthew Henry is close to “the spirit of the text” stating, “Not made out of his head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”^[2]

Completing and Complementing Each Other

The Hebrew word behind the phrase “helper suitable for him” implies that Eve was designed to supply what Adam lacked, and vice versa. The Cornerstone Biblical Commentary states, “In this context the word indicates that the woman would supply what man lacked and, by implication of the Hebrew behind the phrase, ‘just right for him,’ that he would provide what she lacked.”^[3] This points to a beautiful picture of interdependence and mutual support, where each partner brings unique strengths and perspectives to the relationship.

Physiological and Personality Differences

Men and women have inherent physiological differences that equip them for distinct roles, particularly in the context of procreation. Women and men also tend to approach communication, problem-solving, and decision-making differently. A healthy relationship recognizes and celebrates these differences, allowing each partner to contribute their unique attributes and talents.

Complementarity Within Limits

When the Bible speaks of the woman as a “helper,” it aligns with the concept that the helper fills a genuine need or gap in capability. This doesn’t imply that women are solely or even primarily responsible for domestic tasks or childcare.

Couples should approach their roles with flexibility, recognizing individual strengths and shared responsibilities. A father actively involved in childcare isn’t bowing to “feminism,” but embracing his God-given role to nurture and shape his children’s lives.

The beauty of complementarity lies not in the rigid separation of tasks, but in a partnership where each person contributes their best, allowing the couple to flourish as a unit greater than the sum of its parts.

Story: Complementary Collision

Pastor Matt*, a man whose mind was filled with theological insights, often found himself lost in the depths of biblical study. His wife, Katie*, was his anchor, a woman with remarkable organization and a true helper in his life. Yet, tension brewed beneath the surface.

Matt, feeling the weight of traditional expectations, believed it was his duty as the “head” of the household to manage their finances. Despite his wife’s natural ability, he insisted on handling the bills and accounting.

This mismatch of roles led to a cascade of problems. Bills piled up, and payments were occasionally missed leading to late fees. Katie, meticulous and capable, grew increasingly frustrated with the financial disorganization. She would often remind Matt of the unpaid bills. Matt, however, perceived her reminders as nagging, causing tension in their home.

Finally, a lightbulb turned on. Matt realized that clinging to outdated traditions was hurting their marriage. He asked Katie to take over the finances, recognizing her superior skills in that area.

The effects were instant. Bills were paid promptly, and both benefited. Matt felt relieved, freed from a task that didn’t align with his strengths. Katie felt valued and empowered, able to use her skills to benefit their family. Both gained peace knowing that the finances were in excellent hands.

This experience taught Matt a profound lesson about true partnership. Embracing his wife’s strengths didn’t diminish his role as a husband; it enhanced it. He learned that true leadership lies in recognizing and celebrating the unique gifts of your partner, working together as a team to build a stronger, more fulfilling marriage.

*Names changed for the story.

Mutual Submission and Servant Leadership

Ephesians 5:21-25 – ²¹ Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. ²² Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands. ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, (NRSV)

Looking first at Ephesians 5:21, the UBS Handbook Series states, “Each Christian is to make his or her interests subordinate to those of his or her fellow Christian.”^[4] Andrew T. Lincoln, in the Word Biblical Commentary, states it similarly, “The call to mutual submission ‘demands readiness to renounce one’s own will for the sake of others, i.e., ἀγάπη, and to give precedence to others’ (G. Delling, “ὑποτάσσω,” TDNT 8 [1972] 45).”^[5]

Klyne Snodgrass discusses in The NIV Application Commentary that Ephesians 5:23 is “surely one of the most abused and debated texts in the New Testament” further pointing out that:

Its focus is not on the privilege and dominance of the husband, and Paul never intended to suggest that wives were servants, compelled to follow any and every desire of the husband. The text does not tell women to obey their husbands, nor does it give any license for husbands to attempt to force submission.^[6]

He later adds:

Ephesians 5:23 does not focus on authority, but on the self-giving love of both Christ and the husband. “Head” in this context suggests “responsibility for.” The husband has a leadership role, though not in order to boss his wife or use his position as privilege. Just as Jesus redefined greatness as being a servant (Matt. 20:26–27), Paul redefines being head as having responsibility to love, to give oneself, and to nurture. A priority is placed on the husband, but, contrary to ancient society, it is for the benefit of the wife. The activity of both wife and husband is based in their relation to Christ and in his giving himself for the church.^{[7] (emphasis added)}

Walter L. Liefeld gives insight into how Paul was not trying to add new expectations to women, but was rather adding responsibilities to the husband, the parent and the master:

The submission of a wife, along with that of children and slaves, is a pattern of relationship that is reminiscent of centuries of ancient social codes. (. . .) It was not news to wives that they should be submissive to their husbands. The “news” was that such submission now (1) was to be done for the sake of the Lord (v. 22) and (2) was balanced by the love of the husband even to the point of self-sacrifice (v. 25). It is striking that there is no command here for the husband to rule his wife. His only instruction is to love and care for her.^[8]

Galatians 3:28 – ²⁸ There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus. (NRSV)

There is an equality of value and respect for one another. There are different roles in this case, but all are one in Christ.

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Rob and Kristen Bell, in The Zimzum of Love, introduce the concept of “zimzum,” an early Jewish concept that describes God’s act of contracting himself to create space for the world. This concept illustrates the dynamics of healthy relationships. True connection requires a similar “contraction” of the self, a willingness to create space for the other person. This involves a reorientation of the center. In healthy partnerships, the center is not solely “me” or “you,” but a shared “we.” This shared center requires constant negotiation and adjustment. It means recognizing that individual needs and desires are important, but they must be balanced with the needs and desires of the relationship as a whole. This “dance” of give and take, of creating space and coming together, is essential for maintaining intimacy and growth. It’s about recognizing that joining in a partnership is not about two halves becoming one, but about two wholes creating a new, shared whole. This requires vulnerability, humility, and a willingness to continually learn and adapt to one another. It’s a continuous process of re-centering, ensuring that the “we” remains the focal point, allowing both individuals to flourish within the context of the relationship.[9]

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Jesus, the ultimate example of love, didn’t come to be served but to serve (Matthew 20:28). He washed his disciples’ feet, healed the sick, and forgave those who sought it. Husbands are called to follow in His footsteps. This means leading with humility, prioritizing their wives’ well-being, and actively seeking ways to bless and support them.

This call to service can manifest in countless ways, big and small. It might mean helping with household tasks, offering words of encouragement, or simply taking the time to truly listen and understand. It’s about putting aside selfish desires and focusing on meeting your wife’s needs, even when it’s inconvenient or requires sacrifice.

When husbands embrace this model of servant leadership, it can transform a marriage. It fosters an atmosphere of mutual respect, deepens intimacy, and creates a bond that reflects Christ’s love for the church. Ephesians 5 reminds us that true love isn’t about power or control. It’s about serving one another, just as Christ served us.

Conclusion

The biblical concept of “helper” is far from demeaning. It speaks of a divine design where men and women are created equal, yet distinct, and called to complement and complete each other in a mutually beneficial and fulfilling partnership.

Ephesians 5:21-33 often sparks controversy and discomfort, particularly among women. However, this passage isn’t about women being subservient or men wielding power. It’s a call for all believers, both men and women, to live lives of humility and service, prioritizing the needs of the other above their own.

Wives: Choosing Submission, Not Coercion

The verse that often raises eyebrows, “Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord.” (v. 22), shouldn’t be seen as an oppressive command. Rather, it’s an invitation for wives to choose submission as an act of love and an expression of their faith.

This submission is not about blind obedience or relinquishing personal autonomy. It’s about recognizing and respecting the responsibilities of the husband within the marriage, while still maintaining a voice and contributing to decision-making.

Husbands: Leading with Love, Not Authority

This passage also places a high standard on husbands. They are called to love their wives sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church. This means leading with compassion, understanding, and a willingness to put their wives’ needs first.

True leadership in a believer’s marriage isn’t about demanding submission or exercising control. It’s about serving, nurturing, and empowering one’s spouse.

Mutual Submission: The Heart of the Matter

Ephesians 5:21 sets the tone for the entire passage: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Mutual submission, where both partners prioritize the other’s well-being, is the foundation of a healthy believer’s marriage.

When we approach these verses with a heart of humility and service, we discover a beautiful picture of partnership, where both husband and wife play vital roles in building a strong, Christ-centered marriage.

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^[1] Allen Ross and John N. Oswalt, Cornerstone Biblical Commentary: Genesis, Exodus, vol. 1 (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2008), 48.

^[2] Gordon J. Wenham, Genesis 1–15, vol. 1, Word Biblical Commentary (Dallas: Word, Incorporated, 1987), 69.

^[3] Allen Ross and John N. Oswalt, Cornerstone Biblical Commentary: Genesis, Exodus, vol. 1 (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2008), 48.

^[4] Robert G. Bratcher and Eugene Albert Nida, A Handbook on Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians, UBS Handbook Series (New York: United Bible Societies, 1993), 138.

^[5] Andrew T. Lincoln, Ephesians, vol. 42, Word Biblical Commentary (Dallas: Word, Incorporated, 1990), 365.

^[6] Klyne Snodgrass, Ephesians, The NIV Application Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1996), 294.

^[7] Klyne Snodgrass, Ephesians, The NIV Application Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1996), 295.

^[8] Walter L. Liefeld, Ephesians, vol. 10, The IVP New Testament Commentary Series (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1997), Eph 5:22–33.

[9] Rob Bell and Kristen Bell, The Zimzum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage (New York: HarperOne, 2014).